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All the Time in the World
by Nancy Pritchard, July, 2009
© 2009, Nancy Pritchard, All Rights Reserved
It was a gorgeous summer afternoon, and I had just settled into my favorite comfy chair in the sunroom to work on my monthly newsletter article. On the floor beside me, two of my black cats had languidly positioned themselves across a large streak of sunlight gleaming in through the back porch skylight. Our air conditioner was emitting its familiar gentle drone, the perfect background noise to an afternoon of productivity.
My plans changed the moment my son James walked through the doorway. He walked up to my chair and asked me if I had some time to talk. It's interesting how our children often assume that we have all the time in the world available for them whenever they need to talk, but you can often expect a one or two-word answer (and occasionally just an annoyed grunt) whenever you try to start a conversation about their day. Still, I could tell the boy really needed a listening ear when he came right out and asked like that. The look on his face also led me to believe that something significant was bothering him. Perhaps you'd call his expression pensive, or even slightly perplexed. Either way, he seemed to need some reassurance.
As much as I'd really hoped to meet my writing deadline that afternoon, I decided to trust my intuition, and my intuition was telling me to put my computer away and give my full attention to my son.
And so I did.
To be honest, I'm often looking for opportunities to spend time with my boys these days. They won't be living with their dad and me for much longer. Adam, my oldest, is only home for the summer, as he's been living on campus for the past four years. He's a recent McDaniel graduate, and is heading to Stoneybrook University on Long Island in mid-August to continue his graduate studies. James, 18, is going to be a freshman at Salisbury U this fall. My boys will be living six and three hours away from home respectively. That might not seem like a huge distance to some, but considering the fact that our little family of four has never lived more than an hour apart, it's going to be a big adjustment for us.
Or should I say, for me.
I gazed across the room at James, who gazed back at me. Lately I've wondered what it's like being in his shoes. What's it like to turn 18, to come of age, in the 21st century? I admit I have trouble remembering what it was like turning 18 in the 1970's. Did I have many deep conversations with my mother back then? I doubt it, as I didn't believe Mom could possibly understand me in those days. After all, when I was in my late teens, she had already reached the ripe old age of 39!
Very soon, our conversation began.
"I wonder if I'll like living with my roommate?" young James pondered. He paused there and we spent some discussing that thought. Our afternoon chat continued along that line for quite some time.
.
"I wonder if my roommate will like living with me?"
"I wonder how often I'll come home to see you guys?"
"I wonder if I'll get lonely at school?"
Roommates…coming home…getting lonely at school… My mind reeled as my boy talked about these things so matter-of-factly. Although I'm proud of my children and the fact that they are moving on in their lives, there are moments of late when melancholy rears its ugly head.
"How can you be asking me questions about dorm life and leaving home, my youngest child?" I wondered to myself. "It seems like only yesterday that our family arrived home from vacation in a panic because you realized you had left your favorite little blanket in a hotel room and your dad had to call and beg the front desk to send it to us at our expense - ASAP"
"And how can you possibly be 18 years old when I still remember every word to all the songs in your Peter Rabbit video that we watched over and over and over again. Not to mention all the Thomas the Tank engine books we used to read… and the Little Critter books… and the entire series of Berenstein Bear books. And how many hours did I watch as you and Adam created city after city with your Brio track and your Legos?"
The moments of our lives can fly by pretty quickly if we're not paying attention, can't they? Did I realize how precious the early years with my children were? I think so. I certainly like to think so. Admittedly, like most women I was a very busy young mother. I was a student at the time, and between mothering, studying and going to class I was putting in 18-hour days. Thankfully, I did spend time with my boys back then and I'll be forever grateful for the moments we shared. It didn't usually feel like a chore, being with my boys. I enjoyed being a mom - reading all the books, snuggling in the rocking chair, going on play dates, learning all the words to their favorite songs. If I were given the gift of doing it all again, I'd spend even more time just enjoying those moments of playing, snuggling, singing and reading. I believe I was a little too naïve to grasp the concept that those little boy days pass very quickly. Eighteen years ago, it seemed that we had all the time in the world to sing and play and snuggle. Back then it seemed that our little family of four would be together forever.
Now I realize that all too soon, that will not be the case.
I feel the need to add to my nostalgic musings here that my darling James has always been a very independent, tenacious soul. (And in case you are wondering, this is NOT the easiest personality type to raise!) Furthermore, I am firmly convinced that although we raise our children and they look to us as authority figures, we learn every bit as much from them as they do from us.
For instance, I was raised to be a good little girl and never to question those in power. James is a person who has questioned authority from a VERY early age, and he's never worried about playing by the rules. I remember a certain pre-school Christmas play when James was four. I'd been told that the children would be able to choose to wear either a Santa hat or a snow man hat for the play. James informed me stubbornly in the car on the way to school that morning that he wasn't planning to wear ANY dumb hat in the pageant. I said fine, assuming that his very capable teachers could deal with his stubbornness most effectively. I have to admit that I wasn't too terribly surprised during the children's procession to see that every boy and girl was wearing an adorable pageant hat…except for James, who smiled at me triumphantly as he passed by, with nothing on his head whatsoever.
Don't always run with the pack and courageously question authority. Those are the lessons my child taught me while he was growing up!
We ended up chatting in the family room for quite some time that evening, just James and me. A little later Adam came in to join us. The three of us ended up ordering a pizza, eating our dinner on TV trays and laughing and reminiscing about the 'good old days.'
Before we went our separate ways that evening, I reminded my boys that anytime they needed to chat this summer, I'd be around.
For the next few weeks, I have all the time in the world.
Nancy Pritchard is the Facilitator for the monthly Tao Study Group, 'Living a Peaceful Life' at The Healing Way in Frederick, MD. The group is currently on hiatus. For more information about the group contact Nancy at npritchard@thehealingway.com or 301-696-8380. She is also a co-facilitator for ' The Gathering' which meets the third Thursday of each month. See the Calendar of Events for more details..
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© 2009, Nancy Pritchard, All Rights Reserved
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