An Exercise in Forgiveness
by Alexandra Windsong,  June 9, 2008

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself - the gift of freedom.

Forgiveness is about release, releasing yourself from the self-imposed limitations and self-defeating behavior patterns that tie you to the past in unhealthy ways. Forgiveness is about releasing your anger, fear, pain and resentment and opening your heart to joy, peace and love. It means that you will no longer allow the past to have a hold on your life today; that you are willing to release the hurt and the pain; that you no longer wish to be tied to the past in a negative way; that you are freeing yourself from the ties that hold you back from living the life you deserve to live. Easy to say, not always so easy to do . . .

In last month's article, Letting Go of the Past: The Healing Power of Forgiveness and Release, we discussed what forgiveness really means and what can cause our resistance to this process. This month I'd like to share with you an exercise that can be a useful tool for beginning the healing process of forgiveness. So if you are ready to free yourself from the past, to release the pain, fear and resentment that interferes with you having the life you deserve, if you are ready to take a powerful step toward being the most loving, compassionate, powerful, peaceful and abundant being that you can be, read on . . .

Each of us has energetic connections to other people. To those who can "see" them, these connections often appear as cords of energy. Some of these cords, or connections, are based upon positive energies and experiences such as love, respect, caring and mutual support. Others, are based upon more detrimental experiences, emotions and dynamics. Every injury, injustice, grudge, painful emotion or resentment that you hold onto is a connection to that person and to that past experience or dynamic. It is a tie that holds you back, a tie that binds you to the old behavior and emotions, a tie that keeps you living in the past and not in the present, a tie that prevents you from moving on with your life. But you can change that.

When you are ready, find a quiet time and space where you will not be interrupted or disturbed. You may chose to sit on the floor or on a chair. It may be helpful to place a second chair or pillow in front of you to make it easier to visualize someone else sitting there (this part comes later in the exercise). Before you begin, take a moment to ground and center yourself. Then visualize, or create, a protected, or safe space around yourself. Some people refer to this as sacred space. I typically use of the image of being surrounded by a bubble of light or energy. The outer edges of this bubble act as a filter and exclude everything which is detrimental to me and allows only those energies and beings that are beneficial and helpful to me to enter into my space. You can also smudge the area, light a candle, place stones in strategic locations, or perform any other ritual which reinforces the concept for you of a safe or sacred space in which to do this exercise. If you like, you may call your guides, helpers or angels to assist you as well.

Next, connect to your higher self and the universal source, however you define this for yourself. This is simply an intention to connect with these energies in order to approach this exercise from the most sacred part of your being - from the highest part of yourself. Then when you feel ready, imagine or visualize the person you need to forgive sitting across from you. Remember you are inviting the higher, or divine-self, of that person, not their human personality into your safe space. Once you have invited them into your space, state what they have done that has caused you harm, why you are upset, what you are upset about, and how it has affected your life. Take as long as you need. Do not censure yourself. This is your chance to "get it all out". Once you have finished stating your case, you may wish to pause for a moment before proceeding to the next step, to see if there is anything that this person needs to "say" to you as well.

Once you have finished this step, it is time to sever those connections, or energy cords, you have to that individual based upon these hurtful experiences or emotions. But before you begin the process of cutting those energy cords, keep in mind that it is not always necessary to sever them all. You can choose what is most appropriate for you. In some cases, you may feel that it is necessary to sever them all. In others, it may be more appropriate to sever only those connections that are detrimental to yourself and to them, and keep those connections. or cords, that are based upon love, nurturing, mutual respect, and other positive emotions and experiences.

There are several ways that you can sever these unhealthy connections or energy cords. One, is to visualize yourself holding a sword or a pair of scissors and see yourself cutting through them. As you cut the cords, say something along the lines of, "I cut all ties that are no longer appropriate to my health and well-being. I release you with love and compassion. I chose to be free from all ties and connections that are unhealthy for me and for others. I forgive you and I wish you peace and wholeness. And I am thankful for the lessons I have learned from this experience." After the cords are cut, you can visualize the cords disintegrating. As you do this, you are release all patterns and energies associated with this individual that are no longer appropriate for you.

Some people find it helpful to actually cut a cord or string to reinforce their intention while doing this exercise. To do this, get several pieces of string (I personally like to use different colors of embroidery thread to represent the cords I want to cut). Then use a pair of scissors to cut through the cords as you state your intention. You can also use fire to sever the cords. Rather than cutting the pieces of string, hold them over a candle, or something similar, as you state your intention to release the past and the ties that are no longer appropriate for you. I like to cut the strings first with scissors, then burn the remaining threads (making sure to burn them in a safe manner of course).

Once you have severed the connections, take a moment to reflect upon the lessons you have learned and what you have gained from your experiences with this individual. Some people also like to thank the person they are releasing for their role in providing them a learning opportunity, understanding that every experience in our lives is an opportunity to learn and grow, even the unpleasant ones.

You can do this exercise with as many people as you feel you need to, as often as you need to. Sometimes, you may feel the need to repeat this process with the same individual again, and that's okay. Sometimes, we don't get it all the first time. Other times . . .  ? Well, life goes on, and new stuff happens and comes up that needs to be released all the time.

This exercise or some variation of it can be used for releasing ties to past experiences and circumstances as well that aren't connected to any specific person. It can be used to release patterns and behaviors whose source you don't event understand. Anytime you need to let go of something, or someone, to free yourself from patterns, energies, behaviors and dynamics that are unhealthy for you, you can use this exercise, or some variation of it. Feel free to modify it to suit your needs and your situation.

And most importantly of all, remember to forgive yourself, for not being perfect, for not getting over things quickly enough, for snapping at your co-worker, for . . . whatever. You deserve the same mercy, compassion and understanding as everyone else. And don't you forget it!

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©2008, Alexandra Windsong